Moreoften than not, our daily lives are disturbed by strong evil forces commonly known as scumbags. They are diabolic entities in human form who, unlike the devil itself, are disguised as utterly annoying people. The bad news is that, we see them everywhere – on television, on the streets, in the bus we ride in, and basically in every place we go to. The worse news is, as much as we want to ditch these cretins, we end up compromising and enduring them. That’s life; it’s never fair.

These people have already sold their soul (yes, my theory is that they once had a soul) to the devil in exchange of the privilege to pester us regular citizens. These people are rotting in hell and giving us a fair share of their misery. I have another news for you: even in third world countries such as the Philippines, these creatures are apparent.

Who are they? Let me describe them one by one.

10. Thieves and robbers

The modern version of these evil creatures seemed to have taken a PhD in Creativity. Because poor victims have already got used to the usual looks of these people (black mask, bonnets, stockings) and their modus operandi, they have taken their crime to a much higher level. They now dabble in science, geekery, and tech. They use different tactics that can pwn video game addicts (GTA will have a run for its money). However, I’m not only talking about people in destitute situations; even the leaders of this country are demons disguised in flashy bullet-proof cars and throngs of minions but that’s another story. I have made a special spot for them so read on.

Punishment: they will get hit by a speeding car (that also came from a robbery mission). Their arms and legs will be amputated but they will stay alive.

9. Greedy public utility drivers

Try taking the public transportation (except for trains) and you’ll have a close encounter with these demons. They would load passengers even non non-loading areas, load passengers on almost every inch of the street, speed up even somebody is still getting off, and drive you to the road of perdition. If you are rushing to work, these demons would be the leading reason why you’ll be dead late. They would also steal a few coins from gullible passengers who, in spite of ample basic math knowledge, would rest their case.

Punishment: they’ll mistake gasoline for drinking water but they’ll still be alive.

8. Cranky government workers

Have you ever been in one of the many government offices in the country? In there you will see these people clad in decent garb compete with IDs. But no matter how decent they look like, what lurk inside their body are rotting Stygian entities that will feed on you anytime. They are cranky, ill-tempered soul-less demons who will never look you in the eye. They will work on your queries but will never look you in the eye, smile, or talk. If they talk, you’re doomed. If it’s lunch time or closing time, they will nonchalantly tell you to come back some other time. They show no mercy.

Punishment: all the staplers on their desk will come to life and spend the wires on their skin but they’ll still be alive.

7. Social climbers and conios

Wearing imitated stuff is now socially acceptable in the country but the demons who spend their entire week’s allowance on gourmet coffee and some Italian ice cream and pizza just to photograph and post it on Facebook is not. Getting a filthy-rich lover just to suck his blood (otherwise known as “draining his funds”) for a branded bag, gadgets or a trip to Bora (which is loosely interchanged with that attraction somewhere in Polynesia) is a classical approach these succubi use to sustain their bourgeois living. These creatures will also flaunt their newest smartphone and consider it as more of a social status rather than a necessity. They are annoying occupants of the fiery pits of hell.

Punishment: they will be slapped with Hermes Birkins bags until they die. No amount of life shall be spared for these leeches.

6. Multi-level marketing spammers

Or scammers. Just when we thought the demise of MLM minions started during the advent of the Internet, we were wrong. These fanatics have grown an army at an exponential rate since the Internet can reach out to more poor potential hosts. Since a few select brave mortals can never slam their door or escort these creatures outside their house because they spam online, these dark minions can just respawn at a very high rate to persuade people on joining their dark circle. They won’t stop until your brain explodes. Mmmm, lunch.

Punishment: 10,000 hours of Nyan Cat

5. Cops and military officials

The Philippine National Police and Armed Forces of the Philippines are supposed to defend us weak mortals against the evil forces, but it turns out that our defenders have also succumbed to the devil. They love to maim innocent mortals and lift the throne of the greater evil for power (okay, later.) They also have lavish lifestyles (their mansions as a sugarcoated hell) and pricey cars that took hundreds of thousands of slaves to be built. Rumors have it that they have killed a lot of humans to protect what lives inside them. They are the doom bringers of society. Their guns and bullets are the weapons for the devil domination. Although there are exceptions, the real good ones, they are outnumbered.

Punishment: eternal spontaneous human combustion. They won’t turn into ashes or burn to death.

4. Biased Media

Mainstream media earn billions from two things in general: from advertisers and from wealthy figures they’re trying to either attack or defend. When I say figures I mean politicians, business tycoons, high-earning celebrities who try to hide their scandals and misery businesses from the general public.These biased media misinform, confuse and conceal from us the real deal. Each of these companies also have vested interests to protect their profit. They are in perennial anarchy, trying to dominate the nation with (mis)information. They make us stupid. They dictate to us what to believe in. They are brainwashers sent by the devil to hypnotize us and steal our soul.

Punishment: a looped video compilation of concerts of Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black and Anne Curtis for as long as hell burns

3. Highly-religious activists

Just when you thought that you having been visited by Jehovah’s Witnesses is the most spine-chilling moment of your life, you experience the worse. These fallen angels will scare you to death by means of graphic illustrations of how you will burn in hell if you don’t join them in church. They will also use religion in every debate in every place at every time. They will judge you for what you wear and how you look like. They will urge you to repent and cry in front of a fanatic crowd. They will humiliate you and force you to expand their minion. They are moreoften creepy.

Punishment: baptism by fire

2. Hypocrite priests

The Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines is a very influential religious institution in the country and is also the most hypocrite. The priests would intervene with politics and lawmaking and rebuke whoever is against their (or their real master’s) will. They are creepier than Gregorian Chant, louder than Michael Jackson’s crowd, holier than thou, and dirtier than all the whores in the country combined. Why? Because they come clean even though they are already rotten inside. They judge people. They are the real serpents persuading blind fanatic people to follow them. They should have no business in the country if they don’t stop creeping around.

Punishment: they will all become surrogates to unborn piglets while forever wearing a condom if they get an erection after watching Sasha Grey and minors on CamFrog.

1. Corrupt politicians

I cannot stress enough how wicked and rotten these demonic creatures are. They maim, they steal poor people’s money, they struggle for power, and simply get away with lawsuits and impeachment trials. They are well-protected by bigger politicians and mainstream media. Their reaper-like faces appear on billboards and their names on signages using the taxpayers’ money. They sip expensive wine, dine-in at lavish restaurants, shop at places with a different country code, knock up many women, get lots of insanely expensive cars, spend billions of pesos to bribe a big army of demons to protect them. They are the country’s vampires, feeding plainly on the money each citizen earns through blood and sweat. They are the worst demons ever created in the history of demons.

Punishment: they will get dragged by their speedy cars driven by Schumacher’s army until their internal organs are exposed. They will never die. They will stay attached to their expensive car like a towed vehicle until oil prices drop at 1,000 percent.

SO WHO IS YOUR TOP 10 SCUMBAGS YOU WANT TO SEE IN HELL? SHARE YOUR LIST BY REPLYING ON OUR COMMENT SECTION BELOW!!!